to be jaded…

new month. but not just any month because May is mental health awareness month. i remember writing one of the most vulnerable blog posts ever around a time like this last year. it is ironic that this month, more often than not, finds my mental health in shambles. to be honest i am jaded about […]

TTWBATS Part Two

TTWBATS Part Twoin retrospect, i was incredibly naive to think that was how to deal with what was going on inside but hey, at least i tried. i burned the journals in 2019 because that was the year i was sure i had actually lost my mind. that was the year i thought i had […]

The Things We’ve Been Afraid To Say (Part One)

The things we’ve been afraid to say. #TTWBATSi do not have a substantial clue where to start this post. i was talking with a friend of mine about the saddest book i have ever read which happens to be All the bright places by Niven. so i asked which character he thought i was between […]

The wounded man

Quentin from Paper Towns (John Green) came to the profound revelation that “the only wounded man i can be is me”. i think that we are fundamentally alone in the things that hurt us most. the ones that tear us apart. Theodore Finch from All the Bright Places (Jeniffer Niven) came to the same conclusion […]

how much does God care?

it feels like ages since i wrote. it has been a rollercoaster, this month that is about to end. time is a social construct that only mankind abides by. and it makes us so desperate to live and in the end we really do not even live. just exist. i digress. i have so much […]

Quicksand

I wish this post was on how to survive quicksand, something Theodore Finch from All the bright places would talk about. I mean, he already gave us a list and it pretty much works. This is not about surviving quicksand though. I know a bit of the survival but not enough to write on. What […]

I am not like mustard

Daisy tells Aza that their mutual friend, Mychal, thought of Aza as mustard. To mean that because of Aza’s mental illness, she was like mustard : great in small quantities but then a lot of her is… a lot. This is one of the conversations I keep reading over and over again.This is not the […]

I don’t want to be the better person…

I want to be a good person. Especially to myself first. Then to others. I read somewhere that self love is not about “only me” but it’s about “me too.” And that’s how I want it to be. For all the grace, love and mercy I extend to people, I want to extend to myself […]

Lack of imagination

If 2020 was the year when things just went crazy, I am honestly fucking scared for myself this year than I was last year. Sorry for the strong language. It’s just that sometimes you need to let go of very strong emotions and I know a lot about having strong emotions. You know it’s like […]

I am going mute (I think)

I’m often afraid of these holidays. Rightfully so. They require energy I do not possess. Merriness I cannot wield. Socializing that is too much for me. So many times during these holidays I hit new lows. New ones because I tell myself every year this is the lowest I can go. But I am often […]